Not Alone

The last 10 years, I was employed by a well respected company and had jobs that allowed me to challenge myself, utilizing my talents and intellect. I developed relationships with quality people, visited some beautiful and exotic places, gained new skills.  I could be angry and bitter that was taken away from me, instead, I am choosing to be grateful that I had a work experience most people only dream about.

Yesterday was my last official day as an employee of that fine company.  I turned in my separation paperwork and purchased my final allocation of company products.  I suppose I should have been sad, but I wasn't.  There are still good people there and I wish the company the very best, but the company to which I gave my all was gone before I walked out the door.  I did my mourning 6 months ago.

One of the questions I'm asked most often is "How are you doing?"  This isn't the polite rhetorical question we all ask, people want to know how I am holding up emotionally during the job search.  And the answer is for the most part, pretty well.

I am grateful right now for my strong faith.  I do know that God has a plan for my welfare (Jer 29:11).  I have been sending out a status report and prayer requests (I will in many ways always be a project manager) and have been very specific in one of my prayers.  I was asking that I receive a job offer by my final date of employment.  That didn't happen.  I had one friend gently tell me I was putting God on my timetable, to which I responded "not really."  God wants us to ask him for things (James 4:2b).  I'm not angry.  I don't believe God did not hear me, or answer that prayer.  The answer to that prayer was "no."  We live in a culture that promotes if we do steps A,B and C that D will happen and we apply that perspective to God.  God wants us to ask, but God is not a formula or Amazon.  God is God.  He knows what's best for me (us).  He sees and knows things that I do not.  I honestly believe that there is something I'm supposed to learn, a person I'm supposed to meet or an experience I'm supposed to have, and when that happens, I'll find the job I'm supposed to have.  I do believe that God is the one that will provide my next job, but that I also need to do work.  As Dallas Willard pointed out in the Divine Conspiracy "Rather than pray the weeds go away in your garden, go pull them."

My strongest emotion is hopefulness, my next strongest emotions are boredom and frustration.  I am so bored with talking about myself.  I am an extrovert, but bored with networking.  I want to look at a stranger and only be interested in who they are and learning more about them instead of wondering if they know someone that can help me find a job.  Ugh!  I am bored with reading job descriptions searching for what they are really looking for so I can make sure my resume scores high in the ATS (Applicant Tracking System). ( I do know about Jobscan.co, but it's still a process.) Yesterday, I found an awesome job, spent an hour crafting the perfect cover letter and tweaking my resume, only to find when I clicked on the link to apply, the job had been removed.  Double ugh!!

I have dealt with feelings of jealousy and gotten past them.  I know of some folks that found jobs immediately after leaving and didn't need to dip into their severance.  I wanted to be one of those people.  God and I had  little talk about it while I was listening to a sermon for the second time (one of the benefits of singing in the choir), he let me know I needed to just let it go, I think I have.

I am still using my time wisely, not only looking for a job, but doing things I wouldn't be able to if I was employed full time.  On the other hand, networking and job search related activities have prevented me from doing things I'd rather be doing, like going to the gym.   Since I have the energy to read at times other than while I am eating on the weekends, I am catching up on some of my reading and reading new books that were not on my list prior to transition (which means the stack of to-be read books is still high.)

Thankfully, God has blessed me with an abundance of supportive people who remind me over and over that God will provide.  They encourage me, pray for me, remind me of my strengths, keep my spirits high.  I couldn't do this without them.  I thank God I am not alone.